Deep Thoughts... By Yo Mama

It's been a rough 48 hours. Yesterday I had a rather interesting and intense AIM conversation with an ex's sister. Turns out my ex CH has decided to quit her job and start living with a bunch of hippies. It also turns out that she cheated on me way more than the self-admitted 2 times. It seemed strange at the time that it would bother me so much to hear that, it did. I mean I would think I would be over it by now. But for the last 48 hours I've been walking around with this weight in my chest. It really sucked. At first I was a little furious at her. I mean just thinking about how she would make me feel guilty for ever questioning her or for even listening to or hanging out with people who would call her a "cheater" or a "slut." And then how when everything came to an end she had the gall to call me a lair and to say that I had "tricked" and "manipulated" her! Pffssst. Just to find out that all the times she blamed me for things and I believed her, she was just standing in front of me lying. Manipulating. Hoodwinking. I done been bamboozled I tells ya!

Anyways, so I was pissed. Then I talked to some people and found out that they either
1) weren't suprised and/or 2) weren't interested in CH's current plight. I started to feel sorry for her. Sorry and a little ashamed that I didn't have more compassion for this person and was just so ready to jump on the CH hate-wagon. Then I just got confused. So I stewed for a couple of hours. I pouted a bit. And then I got online and started talking to my friend KJ who's always good for a feel better chat. It was weird, as I typed out all my feelings I could feel the tightness in my chest loosen. KJ told me that she had seen CH recently and that she didn't seem to be somewhat well, she actually had a prospect of finding a place of her own soon. I dunno maybe I just needed to hear that she wasn't on the verge of starving to death. I mean I may not want to be friends with her but I don't want her to die or anything and would even go so far as to wish her well. So yeah that passed...

And now I'm thinking about China. And guitar. The guitar I should be playing. I'm trying to learn one of my old teacher's songs right now. 2000 Miles From Beth. It's a really pretty, sad song. And according to his webiste it's the easiest song of his to learn.

All I know is that when I first auditioned to study with him 3 years ago I had three Carulli etudes under my belt and could hardly play any of them well. Next time I auditon to any music program or teacher I want to at least have one good song under my belt that I can play confidently.

Ok this post has been pretty rambly. I can hear DTB breating in the other room and it's making me sleepy. Think I'll go join in on the zzzzz's.

ATNN