Well, these days are no longer consecutive. I guess I'm okay with that. I'm going to keep the count going in a linear fashion regardless of how many days I miss in between days. If that makes sense.
For Fuck's sake, seem to be a lot of ignorant people on the internet these days spouting their opinions like they know what they're talking about. I feel like one thing I've learned in my life is that making definitive statements is tricky. Why? Because history is long and complicated and unless you really know all the ins and outs of a topic saying anything about it without being ignorant is almost impossible. The frustrating thing here is that even if you are being a complete d-bag if you don't sound like it no one will call you out.
I guess I'm still really upset about last night. I was with some friends and we had a performance (yay Improv!) and we were all joking around getting pumped before going on stage and about 5 minutes before we had to be backstage we all sorta broke out dancing and one girl in the group was sticking her butt out and bumping into people while someone yelled "Back it up!", so in an attempt to be funny I said "Girl'sName got back!" and smacked her ass. She laughed, everything seemed fine. (I feel I should mention here that Girl is black and has a very nice butt) I felt like this was harmless and appropriate within the context of the situation.
Well another person there (who is also a woman and white) said to me "That's racist." I turned to her and said "What? How is that racist?" and then she looked at me and in a very "You're being an asshole tone" said "Stop it, that's annoying."
WHAT? How was anything I said racial at all? The girl who I made the comment to didn't seem upset. No one cared but the girl who got mad. And the thing was no body else said anything? No body said "What are you talking about, that wasn't racist." nor did they say "Hey, Will, y'know that was kinda racist maybe you should apologize." it was just this weird moment between us.
Anyways, it's just been really bugging me lately because I feel like she's done this to me on several occasions and any time I ask her to clarify she just say's that I'm being either entitled or not acknowledging my white privilege and that I need to just shut up and listen. I mean is that it? Or is it just her problem? I feel like not explaining to me how I was being "racist" doesn't help the move the conversation forward or make me a better ally or anything like that. It just feels shitty.
Bleh, I want to talk to her about it but I feel like any attempt to bring it up will just end in another shitty confrontation.
To the girl's credit she did apologize later, not for calling me a racist, what she said was that she was trying to get everyone to focus and somehow I was the person who needed to be yelled at. She said she was sorry for hurting my feelings though which I appreciate but I can't shake the feeling that she doesn't really understand what hurt my feelings in the first place.
Anyways, that's all for now. Had our show for the Duke City Improv Festival last night and it was awesome. Good show by us and we had an amazing audience. Go go team!
ATNN
Additional: It's crazy overcast today but there are these pockets where you can see through the clouds to this amazingly bright blue sky. I think it's important to remember that the sky is blue, even though you can't always see it.
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