Flowers bloom, people go outside more, there's just this vibrancy that exists only in Spring. The time for hibernation and storing is over and we finally get to go back out and explore and enjoy all the things we couldn't do for all the months it was cold and everything was dead.
This is my first Spring in Japan and there's so much I'm looking forward to. There's all the matsuri festivals, the sakura festivals, outdoor concerts, and apparently the whole Kamakura beach area just turns into a huge party/music/food destination for 3 months. Hopefully I'll get to get my smoothie and my dance on in the coming weeks.
This is also a real period of change for me. I've been in Japan for over 5 months now. I've gone through some intense emotional cleansing and just general clearing out of old habits and ways of thinking. I feel like I'm a more compassionate and emotionally open person than I have been in years. For the first time in a long time I feel like I'm actually capable of contributing to the world around me. I don't know how yet, and I still have all those old doubts and fears that I always had. But now they seem... Well now it's like they're not stopping me from doing good, y'know?
Anyways, I'm hoping that things will start to take shape for me. It's been hard being here at times. Japanese people can be very closed off and it's not exactly easy to meet people especially when you don't have a job or something like school that forces you to interact with strangers. I like to think I'm a pretty open guy who's willing to meet new people. But I need some sort of context in which to do so. We're in the same class? Cool I have no problems walking up and saying "hi". Oh we have mutual friends? Ditto. Oh, you're a stranger on the street? Ok, hold up. Not so much there. And that's reasonable right?
Now I don't want to give the impression that I haven't had any friends or social contact out here. That's not it at all. But it seems like most of the people I've met already have their social spheres and weren't exactly looking for anyone new to join. I ran into a similar problem in San Francisco and never quite figure out how to fix it.
It's funny I have so many friends back in New Mexico, and really it was always so easy to meet people there. Like people were always just chilling and were happy to have someone new to chill with. You didn't have to *be* anybody. You could just be you so long as you had something interesting to say or enjoyed beer and green chili.
Well whatever. I will say that all this time alone has given me some new and much needed perspective on who I am and what I want to do with my life. I don't know what my media will be or how I will go about doing this, but whatever I do I want to help people. I've been working to make every interaction I have with my friends and loved ones a positive one. I've been working on saying only positive things and really focusing my intentions on loving the world. It's been a great experience and has been rather healing.
Ok well that's all for now. Enjoy the changing weather and all the goodness it brings!
ATNN
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