"yeah
i know
i'm just scared
like this is a pretty common thing for me, it's like i took a step out the door of that relationship and am not outside in the dark
only it's not really dark i just have my eyes closed
so i can't see
and i can't see all the lights in the distance so i just sort of stand still and scratch on the door behind me
but no one can hear me inside because there's someone else in there now and they're playing music and fucking so loud they can't hear me"
And it's funny, saying that... It just makes me feel so silly for not moving on. Like I don't feel the bitterness I once did. Like right now I just miss having her as my friend. I'm not gonna lie and say I don't miss the intimacy we shared, or that I have no regrets about it not lasting as long as it probably could have, but really I have to move on. I need to open my eyes and start walking. In a direction. Any direction. Really. Anyways, I just was happy for that metaphor so I thought I'd share.
ATNN
2 comments:
For a bit now I have adapted a saying.
"River Kwai" . As In, build a bridge and get over it. Now some people hear me say this to them and get pissed off. Probably because Kwai sounds like cry and it sounds rude. But honestly, it's more about a philosophy of getting over the shit that bugs you most. I find that with us all we can get stuck in these dark thoughts that tend to pull us under like the waters of a mighty river. And we can't surface enough to catch a deep breath. But if we see the river is there and we take the time to study it and construct a positive safe route to get over it. It will be scary still, but in a safer and more constructive way to observe the strong emotional waters we are facing. And possibly we will pioneer a safe passage way for those who may travel the same path.
So in a very positive and loving manner.
"River Kwai", buddy.
Plus it is a damn fine movie. Obi Wan! Woop woop! :)
Hey J, I like that. I like it a lot actually. A friend sent me this awhile back and I thought it was pretty brilliant.
"Man, I was thinking about unrequited love. I figure it's best to just walk that shit off. Find someone else to be excited about. It's like if you love ice cream but your ice cream man friend won't give you any. Maybe he's got a good reason. It cuts into profits. Who knows? But he likes you as a friend and wants to hang out anyway. It just drives you crazy to hang out with that dude, even if he's being reasonable from his point of view. So don't hang out with him. What, you ONLY like ice cream? It's ice cream or nothing? Don't be an asshole. Learn to love donuts."
Words by this guy Joey Comeau who works on A Softer World. I highly recommend check it out if you haven't already.
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