14:29: What's gonna happen?

Here I am again. Dreaming big and telling everyone all my life's plans. I want them to happen. I can see so clearly how it could all go down. But I'm scared, terrified, that yet again I'm going to let myself down. That I'll come up with the perfect plan and then settle for continuing my life the same as I always have.

Not that there's anything wrong with my life. My life is amazing. But what most people don't realize is that inside, it feels like I'm only living like 10% of what I'm capable of. Ten percent!

Anyways, so, for pubic consumption, here's what's been keeping me up at night:

BOLT AROUND THE WORLD 2011 WOO!!!

1. Leave Japan
i. Board ferry in Yokohama, set sail for Shanghai, China.
2. Arrive China
i. Arrive Shanghai
ii. Board train headed for Hubei province
iii. Disembark train in ______ (can't remember the name) at the base of Mt. Wu-Dang
iv. Train at Teacher Yuan's school for 3-6 weeks
3. Leave China
i. Board train departing ______ headed for Beijing
ii. Board train departing Beijing headed down the Silk Road through Russia to Europe
4. Train through Russia
i. See here
5. Moscow to Athens
i. Find passage from Moscow to Athens
ii. Arrive in Athens, rendezvous with contact in Athens
iii. Chill in Greece, go to beaches
6. Athens to . . . ?
i. Plan rest of journey

So that's what I've got so far. What I want this to be though, besides an opportunity for me to see many remarkable things, is for this to be a chance for me to really create some stuff too.

What I mean is, like I've always wanted to work on collaborative projects with people, but for one reason or another it just never seems to work out. So what I'm thinking, is that utilizing the power that is the internet I would go looking for people at each stop to meet up with and do some short project. It could be a short film (2-5 mins), some sort of photo collage, a song, a poem, a dance, anything. Then I'd record whatever we made and then put it on my website for all to see.

Not only do I think this would be a lot of fun, it'd also be a huge undertaking/challenge that would really force me to grow as a person/artist. I think doing something like this would push me far out of my comfort zone and really challenge me to evaluate what it is I'm capable of not only giving but also receiving from the world.

But that fear persists. I've got this little voice in the back of my head that's telling me "Don't worry, you can always back out. You can just stay in Japan or go home. NO ONE WILL JUDGE YOU." Which is false. I'll judge me. I've been wanting to, and talking about, doing something like this since I was 18. I'm going to be 30 in 4 months, I think it's about time I finally did it. Either that or I need to start dreaming about something else.

Anyways, thoughts, opinions, requests, admonitions, confessions, declarations?

OK, well then I gotta get ready for work!

ATNN