Below are some things I wrote while trying to sort through some stuff since I've been in Japan...
10/21/09
Promises came crumbling through my lips
Broken before they even reached your ears
A guilty heart latched shut
But I always knew I'd lose you
I always knew I'd lose you
I already knew I'd lose you
Tracing your back with my fingertips
Focusing on nothing but my fears
To be back there in our bed
To go back in time oh what I'd do
What would I do?
What could I do?
What wouldn't I do?
Never knew if you really loved me
Was I just a place-holder for your heart
As you waited for him
You were only waiting for him
A heart filled with regret
Will tell no lies
Do anything to avoid that pain
But you're gone forever
You're already gone forever
I never really loved you
But I always wanted to
Hearts don't come with instructions
Too bad, I think this one is broken
And there's no one to fix it
No new one's for sale.
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I was gonna call you by name
In order to address you directly
But really you're all the same
When I consider you respectively
All I wanted was a return on the love game
Screaming through bitter tears
Unreciprocated acceptance
They say you put in 10 and get back 2
Well I put it all in and got nothing from you
You thought that I didn't care
Or maybe I wanted something else
But I could never work out
How your silence meant anything
Other than indifference
This wind is cruel
Blowing sand into my empty thoughts
The irritation never brought me any pearls
But the scratching was crimson
Through these tears the words were bled
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I'm fresh out of ideas, I tried everything to fix this. The chalkboard is full with equations to fix our love. But the variables never cancel and the sum is incomplete. You never came back with the coffee, so I set out on my feet. I passed you on the street, our paths didn't meet. You were holding someone else's hand, together you looked so neat. I put my hood on and blame myself, apologize profusely, thinking that would help. I don't think you heard me, with his tongue in your ear. We're slipping away, oh how little do you care? The last thing you said before you disappear, "I miss you now," what a strange thing to hear. You're being polite is my only conclusion. But your kindness breaks through my ribcage and gently extracts my heart, drops it on the ground and kindly ignores it. Which I guess wasn't hard.
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These ants mock me
I'm trying to write
They keep crawling on my insides
They never bite
But the threat is real
The pain isn't there
But it's all I can feel
ATNN
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2 comments:
Sorry my friend. When ever I get down about these types of situations I usually try to channel them out creatively and give my thoughts and emotions a vessel for expression. You have to work though the hurt to feel the reward. I thought some of thos expressions were beautiful and haunting, and I am quite jealous I didn't think of them first.
But stay strong, all things run their course.
Awww thanks Gerrad. I'm fine now, I wrote most of that stuff like almost 2 months ago. But I found it recently and didn't hate it so I thought I'd share.
But thanks for the comments, maybe I'll start sharing more of my lyrical musings :)
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